Vajazzling? Really?

Have you heard about the newest sparkling trend out there? I first saw it on a twitter post, and then watched the Jennifer Love Hewitt interview on Lopez Tonight and listened as she told the world about her disco ball bedazzled vajayjay. WHAT?? You heard it right. You can now Vajazzle you vajayjay. It's even sparked an endless array of blogs on the subject, as well as a Facebook fan page. Sounds like fun.

But, once you go beyond this new fad, could there a more serious concern lurking in the future of women-kind?

Think of the last 100 years or so, how the landscape of a woman's body has changed. We started out bra-less and unshaven. Looking back now, how saggy and hairy were we? Of course we started shaving off the unwanted hair. It was no longer acceptable to be encased in a forest of fur from belly button down. And braiding the armpits was a no-no. Fine, we took off most of the hair. So we shave, scrape, wax, rip, chemically dissolve...whatever works.

Then came the bra. First it just squeezed our boobs into rocket points. Then it lifted them up. Then it lifted them up higher. Then it added some extra fake boobage in the form of padding, and then water, then gels. The fake boobs should feel as real as possible as your real boobs are lifted as high as modern engineering will allow to have two round mounds jutting out and up against your chin. Eventually they'll join forces with the skin sagging from your jowls and neck, possibly adding yet another cup size. Always attractive.

Then, while the hair left on your head had to be as big as possible, you now had to trim the patch left at the other end. Trim, trim, shape, trim, snip, shape... remember the Mohawk? But even that wasn't enough. We had to wax.... slather the most delicate area with hot wax, let it harden and then RIP it all out. Supposedly it's only the hair getting ripped off.

So, from head to toe, we are coiffed, hoisted, and polished smooth. And now that's not enough. We need to add some sparkles to the newly waxed areas. Why? Is something missing? Makes you wonder if cave-women wove tiny beads and little bone ornaments to their furry, unshorn parts.

What's next? Pittazzling? Shouldn't we bedazzle those bare armpits for summer when everyone can see them? What else? Dare I say it? Assazzling?

I'm actually a little scared.....

Peace, love and sparkling light,
LaSal

It's A Cycle

My sister-in-law regularly posts on FB about her struggle with waking up WAY too early, like 3 and 4 AM. One of our cousins kindly explained it's her age. Could this actually be a life cycle?

Birth = Sleep between feedings all day and all night.

Childhood = Sleep at night, awake most of the day.

Teens - 20's = Awake all night, awake most of the day, sleep occasionally.

30's - 40's= Back to sleep at night, awake most of the day.

40's - 50's = Sleep at night, but start waking effortlessly at the crack of dawn.

50's - 60's = Start falling asleep while it's still light out, and waking while it's still dark out.

60's -70's = Back to awake at night, sleep at any other opportune moment.

70's -80's = Sleep from after lunch straight though to dusk, awake all night.

80's + = Back to the beginning, sleep between feedings all day and all night.

Like any cycle, there are bound to be exceptions.... but there does seem to be a pattern.

Peace, love and healthy sleep,
LaSalzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Open Invoice To Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger:
I heard about your televised apology to everyone, although luckily I was able to miss the live broadcast. Sadly, your oral apology has done nothing for me. However, apologizing by sending me large amounts of cash will go a long way in assuaging my tattered feelings over your horrifying indiscretions.
If you do not intend to do right by literally paying for what you've done, then get off my TV!
Sincerely
LaSal

Invoice to Tiger:
Well, I checked, and you're still clogging up my viewing pleasure. Therefore, having received no financial apology from you, I am submitting this invoice in the amount of $1,000,000 (a pittance considering how terribly I've been wronged) because of the torture to which I have been subjected in the form of ENDLESS reports of your unbeneficial oral apology splashing your tiresome face on my personal TV screen causing me further, severe emotional and mental damage.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
LaSal

TV Time

Yes, it's that time again. The new season brings back some old familiar shows and some new shows.

Most importantly, of course, Burn Notice is back. Thank goodness! Just eat your blueberry yogurt and feel the BURN! It's so great to have a show that gets better with each passing season.

Survivor is back for season 20 with a new gimmick. Villains VS. Heroes. Dang... who to root for, who to root for. I liked Sugar, but she got voted out first! How mean! I guess I'll have to root for Rupert. How can anyone not root for that hairy smile... lol!

And then American Idol has started again. Tonight will be the individual singers singing for their place in the top 24. There are some amazing talents this year again, and it's fun to see them grow with the show.

Oh, and then there's a new show. Human Target. Somewhere it was described as '007 on steroids'. Very apt! Love, love, loving this one! Mark Valley and crew solve problems that are pretty much unsolvable. Sounds a bit like BN, right? In a way, perhaps... but it's completely different, too. Refreshingly different and fun to watch. Tomorrow night, right before AI. Have fun!!!

Peace, love, and flickering TV lights,
LaSal

Thoughts On The Grammys

Did you watch the Grammys Last Night? Are you able to keep from commenting on some of the costumes? Or the acts? I send love out to everyone. I try not to judge, but if you're showing up at awards shows and have made an effort to be judged, it's fair game. So, here are some of my reactions, and thoughtful advice.

For instance, since when is dressing in things, not clothing, called 'art'? It's not an 'art' show...it's a music awards show. Wear something musical, not something indescribable. Case in point, as always, Lady GaGa. And did Armani really design that for her? With a huge rise in the 'hem' line in front that forces people to literally 'look up her dress'? At least pretend to be embarrassed that people are looking up your hoohah.

JLo: I didn't see the whole outfit, but the part I did see looked like she was stuffed into a sausage casing with a sparkly ribbon stuck to the front. Let the dress caress you, not boa constrict you!

Pink: Loved, loved, LOVED her dress; my fav of the night. And her act was stunning! Though if I was her mother I might not have survived watching her do that without a safety harness.

Nicole Kidman: Is she just freakishly tall, or does she simply fall for hobbit sized men? And why dress up like the little man's nanny? Sorry... she just seemed to come off that way. Maybe lose the heels?

Beyonce: The dress in which she arrived was gorgeous. Then she did an act with a dress that looked to made from floor tile samples. Chalk it up to the fact she was performing, but still, floor tile samples?

Rhianna: Why wear a dress that deliberately makes your hips look bigger? Keep it on the curtain rod.

Fergie: Was that dress from the set of 'Sex Trek Does The Grammys'? A little out there, but still fun.

Ryan Seacrest tweeted : britney just ran by with an entourage of 100...#grammys

Apparently she needs to be kept from interacting with humans. Understandable since she showed up in her grandmothers swimsuit and a see-through cover up. Sadly, it didn't cover up. Britney, fire whoever told you you looked good.

The tribute to MJ: Not bad. Not great. Should have been better.

The Jacksons have started a new reality show in the wake of MJ's death. Why now? Because they're already in the news so the timings perfect? And now that he's not here to keep his kids out of the public eye, it almost seems as though his family is pimping them out. And the public is obviously going to eat it up, judging by the gripping, tension ridden, hush that fell over the boisterous crowd as the kids spoke. MJ might be rolling over on the other side.

Peace, love and Grammy Lights!
LaSal

Wow... times sure flies when you're having BUSY!!!! Yes, I said having busy... but it was also fun. All the dinners, the shopping, the planning, the visits and the visiting, the cooking, baking, and more cooking, and the lists, the buying, the wrapping, and best of all, the giving. What an amazing and wonderful season the end of the year brings.

Now comes the new year, and the promises, the resolutions, the new beginnings, and scrambling to get tax returns done. It's still a mystery as to how April 15th can come so fast after New Year's Day, but it certainly does.

My wish for this year, 2010, is that the very best possible things happen for everyone.

Happy New Year!

Peace, love and light,
LaSal

How Stupid Are You?

You know when you see someone doing something so stupid, you just stop and stare. And realize your jaw is hanging in shock with your mouth open? Yeah. That happened to me today.

I had to go to the county office to pay for something (big surprise, the county wanting money). I've been there before. Many times. Never a problem. Today, I walk up to the doors and nothing happens. I see the sign says 'Automatic Door' so I step back and wait. Nothing. I wave my hand in front of door, hoping to activate whatever electronic eye might be watching. Nothing. Step to the left. Step to the right. Nothing. I tentatively push on the door. Nothing. I give both doors a good shove. Nothing. I'm ready to leave, frustrated, when I see a man walk up ready to go inside. I tell him, in my highly indignant voice, "I think they're closed!"

"Isn't today Friday?" Says he.

"It is!" Says I, still indignant.

"Then they should be open." Explains he, patiently.

"Exactly what I thought!" Says I, growing painfully annoyed now. "But the doors aren't opening!"

"What do you mean?" He asks, looking slightly concerned now.

"I mean, they don't move!" I prove my point by waving my hands in front of doors again.

At this point a group of people try to come out the doors. They can't because I'm standing in the way of said doors. I back up a step, mostly because of they way they're looking at me through the glass. They push and the doors swing open a bit. I back up another step, they push the doors open all the way, give me the "Look out, Stupid!" look, and out they walk. I look over at the guy, and he has that 'Oh my, aren't you incredibly stupid' look on his face as the doors swing shut again.

"I thought they were automatic doors," I protest in my defense.

"No, no. We use the handles." He punctuated his point by grabbing one of the handles. Great big, obvious, in front of my face, normal door handles. " It's only automatic when the guard presses that button, " he explained. Slowly. So stupid people could understand. He pointed to the button, as if to prove to my slow witted mind such a thing existed. A big, gigantic, hand sized button with the words 'Automatic Door Button' written on it. Next to the guards desk. "See?"

I looked from him to the button and back at him. "It's for people who can't open the door themselves," he explained further. And in a way that made it clear that he fully expected me to be able to open the door using the handles. Quickly, he tugged the doors open again, let me in, then hurried away. I started down the hall, marveling at my own absentminded stupidity, when I noticed the guard. Staring at me. With that same look.

Peace, love and light,
LaSal